Welcome to BattleBlock Theater, where the absurd meets the adventurous, and storytelling is as chaotic as it is charming. This guide serves as a whimsical yet useful walkthrough of the game’s opening narrative and the first steps you’ll take once the curtains rise. Whether you’re a newcomer or returning for another spin through the theater of madness, the tale begins with a storm, friendship, and betrayal.

The Tale of the SS Friendship

Our story opens with a narrator—not your usual calm, wise voice of reason, but rather a sarcastic, oddly sentimental voice who guides us through the mayhem. Lights down low, faces shut, the narrator spins a tale that’s both heartwarming and horrifying.

Once upon a time, there was a ship. But not just any ship—this was the SS Friendship, carrying hundreds of best friends bound by joy, loyalty, and a taste for wild adventure. Among these friends was one most beloved: Hatty Hattington. With his charming face and natural leadership, Hatty was the beacon of good vibes and the unofficial king of Friendship Kingdom.

As the friends set out to sea on yet another delightful journey—perhaps to discover candy islands or engage in high-seas pirate tomfoolery—the ocean, in true unpredictable fashion, said “surprise!” and unleashed a storm of mythic proportions. Thunder, lightning, gale-force winds—everything the ocean could throw, it did. The narrator’s voice rises with gleeful panic as waves crashed and the ship began to splinter.

Chaos, Catastrophe, and Shipwreck

Just when things seem calm, the storm returns with a vengeance. The ocean doubles down. The narrator spins a vivid picture—Poseidon himself was disrespected, and the sea took revenge. Boards creaked, friends were flung into the sea, and chaos ensued. The ship cracked apart, the cast was scattered, and what was once a wholesome voyage turned into a nightmare.

Enter the storm’s aftermath: shipwreck. With nothing but their soggy outfits and an enduring sense of confusion, the friends wash up on a mysterious island. Their footprints dot the sand as they head inland. The narrator, with comedic timing, notes how “utterly convenient” this outcome is.

Arrival at the Theater

The group finds themselves in what appears to be a massive, abandoned theater. Rain-soaked, they take shelter inside. But the theater isn’t quite what it seems. It’s gloomy, dark, and suspiciously devoid of popcorn or cheerful ushers. Just as they begin to settle in, Hatty is taken—given a glowing red gem and suddenly transformed from friend to foe.

What was once your fearless leader is now a mind-controlled puppet ruling the theater’s inner workings, and you’re thrust into a world of platforming peril where nothing is as it seems.

What You Need to Do

The narrator snaps out of story mode and hands you your mission:

• Find the Gems: Scattered throughout the stages, these shiny trinkets are key to your escape. Collect them and stash them in your pockets like the greedy hero you are.
• Unlock the Exit Door: Once you’ve collected the necessary gems, make your way to the glowing door to end the level.

Simple in concept, but layered with danger—traps, enemies, timed jumps, and puzzles await you in every corner.

Final Thoughts

The opening of BattleBlock Theater sets the tone perfectly: ridiculous, fast-paced, and somehow emotional. The narrator’s dramatic flair might make you laugh, but don’t get too comfy—the game will challenge you. As you begin your journey, remember this isn’t just a tale of platforming. It’s a story of betrayal, redemption, and cats in high positions of power.

Grab your gem, dodge those traps, and try not to cry when you see what becomes of Hatty Hattington. The show must go on!